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There are many different ways to make love to a woman -- masturbating her, going down on her or having intercourse with her.

MASTURBATING HER

Masturbating a woman is also known as fingering. When you masturbate a woman, you touch her clitoris and the area around it: the labia and the opening to the vagina. Fingering can give a really arousing feeling and can bring a woman to orgasm. It’s different for every woman and can be different from time to time.

How do you do it?

•     You can rub around the clitoris or to the side of it – or even right over it.
•     You can move faster or slower, and stroke harder or more gently.
•     You can put one or more fingers inside the woman’s vagina.

Ask your partner what she likes. You can ask her to take your hand and guide you. Or show you herself – which can be quite a turn-on!

Body language

Pay attention to her body language. How is she responding to your touch? Is her vagina becoming moist? Is she sighing or moaning? Is her body writhing? Then you’re getting it right! Also listen to her breathing: is it getting faster? That’s also a sign that she’s getting aroused.

Apart from your fingers, you can also use your mouth. See oral sex, below. Only do it if you’re ready for it yourself – not just because the other person takes the initiative and you don’t dare to say no!

ORAL SEX WITH HER

Oral sex on a woman is when you stimulate her clitoris and vagina with your tongue and lips. People also call it ‘going down on a woman’. Many women find this very arousing, and it can bring them to orgasm.

If you’ve never done it, you’re not the only one. Half of all 17-year-olds have no experience with oral sex.

How do you do it?

There are lots of ways to give oral sex. It’s different for every woman and can be different from time to time.

•     You can lick around or over the clitoris.
•     You can lick the labia or inside the vagina.
•     You can lick faster or slower, harder or more gently.
  

Ask your partner what she likes. Get to know her so you can really give her pleasure. You can also just try something and pay attention to her body language. Is she getting moister and moaning? Then you must be getting it right!

If you can’t keep it up or your jaw starts aching, stop or change position, or switch to using your fingers for a while.

If you don’t like the idea of giving oral sex, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Are you curious? Have a shower together first, so you feel nice and clean. And you can start making love under the shower!

Many women have an orgasm through oral sex, but not every woman. Even if she doesn’t have an orgasm, oral sex can still feel wonderful.

Advanced oral sex

Use your hands and tongue at the same time. For example, you could put a finger inside her vagina and move it back and forth, gently or perhaps then a little harder, while you stimulate her clitoris with your tongue. Many women like it if you switch between your tongue and your finger.

You can give oral sex in different positions. The woman can lie on her back and you can lie between her legs – though this isn’t the best position for your neck. You can also lie down so she can sit on your face. She can also sit on a table or the edge of a chair so you can sit in front of her between her legs. In short… use your imagination!

INTERCOURSE WITH HER

Intercourse – to put it bluntly, fucking or screwing – is when a man puts his erect penis inside a woman’s vagina. And the woman takes the penis into her vagina. Most young people make love in other ways first. So don’t think you have to have intercourse straight away.

How to have sex with a woman

Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse right at the beginning. Build up slowly, make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.

First stroke her belly, her breasts, and the inside of her thighs. Try touching her mons pubis, between her legs, her labia briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.

Clitoris

Stimulate the clitoris with your fingers or tongue. You can do this before, during and after intercourse. Most women come when their clitoris is stimulated, not because of intercourse. This is because the clitoris isn’t in the vagina, but outside and in front of it.

G-spot

Some women have a G-spot. This is an area the size of a coin, three to five centimetres inside the vagina, on the front wall. For some women it doesn’t give any special feeling, but for others it’s particularly sensitive.

Only have intercourse when the woman’s vagina is nice and moist, otherwise it’s painful for her.

Pain during intercourse

Some women experience pain during intercourse. What’s causing the pain?

The first time can hurt her because the hymen is stretched.
It can hurt if the vagina isn’t moist enough. Take plenty of time to build up slowly before having intercourse, and be careful and gentle. Only start having intercourse when her vagina is moist enough. If need be use lubricant.

If she finds intercourse painful, it could be because she's tense. This means her pelvic floor muscles aren’t relaxing enough. Take time for her to relax and get aroused. Don't rush to have intercourse. Ask her how it feels.

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Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.

Sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders. Moreover, not all sex offenders are sex addicts. Roughly 55 percent of convicted sex offenders can be considered sex addicts.

About 71 percent of child molesters are sex addicts. For many, their problems are so severe that imprisonment is the only way to ensure society’s safety against them.

Society has accepted that sex offenders act not for sexual gratification, but rather out of a disturbed need for power, dominance, control or revenge, or a perverted expression of anger. More recently, however, an awareness of brain changes and brain reward associated with sexual behavior has led us to understand that there are also powerful sexual drives that motivate sex offenses.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”

Increasing sexual provocation in our society has spawned an increase in the number of individuals engaging in a variety of unusual or illicit sexual practices, such as phone sex, the use of escort services and computer pornography. More of these individuals and their partners are seeking help.

The same compulsive behavior that characterizes other addictions also is typical of sex addiction. But these other addictions, including drug, alcohol and gambling dependency, involve substances or activities with no necessary relationship to our survival. For example, we can live normal and happy lives without ever gambling, taking illicit drugs or drinking alcohol. Even the most genetically vulnerable person will function well without ever being exposed to, or provoked by, these addictive activities.

Sexual activity is different. Like eating, having sex is necessary for human survival. Although some people are celibate — some not by choice, while others choose celibacy for cultural or religious reasons — healthy humans have a strong desire for sex. In fact, lack of interest or low interest in sex can indicate a medical problem or psychiatric illness.

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