The average Brit now has sex four times a month, compared with seven in 2008. And a third go a month without any bedroom action at all. Here's how to put that sizzle back

Glossy mags and TV soaps may give the impression the nation is constantly at it, but according to the British Sex Survey 2014, we’re getting jiggy  significantly less than six years ago.

“A drop in sex drive isn’t always a problem,” says social psychologist Dr Petra Boynton, drpetra.co.uk. “Sex drive naturally fluctuates and if you’re happy having sex occasionally – or even not at all – that’s fine. But it can be a problem for couples when there are mismatched expectations.”

Want to lift your libido? Then follow our guide...

Just think of the health benefits sex provides

If you’ve gone off sex , it’s worth ­rekindling an interest if only for the health benefits. “Orgasm stimulates production of the body’s natural killer cells, which fight infection, boost immunity and even offer some ­protection against cancer,” says ­psychotherapist Marisa Peer, author of You Can Be Younger.

“You also release oxytocin, dubbed the love hormone, which boosts mood, ­alleviates stress and reinforces the bond between you and your partner.”

Chill out

High levels of the stress hormone cortisol can lower sex drive, says the Society for Endocrinology. Set aside five minutes a day for relaxation. Try the Mental Health Foundation’s free podcasts at mentalhealth.org.uk.

Ditch the cigs

Smoking damages arteries, affecting circulation. It affects a man’s ability to get and maintain an erection and impedes men’s and women’s ability to orgasm, says Dr Michael Roizen, author of The Real Age Makeover. To quit, visit nhs.uk/smokefree.

Get fitter

“Studies have shown women who exercise frequently experience an increase in speed of arousal and ­intensity of orgasms,” says Relate ­counsellor and psychosexual therapist Denise Knowles.

Aim for at least five half-hour sessions a week of moderate exercise like brisk walking or three 25-minute sessions of vigorous aerobic exercise.

Sort your sleep out

Men who had less than five hours of sleep a night for a week had reduced levels of testosterone, the libido hormone, a study in Chicago found. Not enough zzzzs also makes men and women grumpy – not an aphrodisiac!

Keep a diary

“Record everything for a week – how much sleep you got, whether you exercised, what you ate, if you were stressed and how you and your partner got on. Then you can see what may be getting in the way,” says Dr Boynton.

Get talking

If you’re rushed off your feet all day and flop in front of the TV every night, you may feel emotionally distanced from your partner, leading to a drop off in sex. “Think what would make your relationship more enjoyable, regardless of sex, then share that with your partner,” says Dr Boynton.

Love your body

Women who see themselves as ­unattractive are more likely to report a drop in sexual desire with age, according to a study from Penn State University, US, on women aged from 35 to 55. So Dr Boynton says: “Concentrate on what you like about your body and remember that you’re almost certainly your own worst critic.”

Consider a quickie

Too busy? According to Marisa Peer, satisfying sex need only take 10 minutes. “Get out of your routine, try a different time of day, a different room, watch a sexy film or try role play,” she suggests. And don’t wait till you’re in the mood. “If you’re not interested to begin with, once you get started, the chances are you soon will be.”

Tone up down there

A third of new mums and half of ­menopausal women have a weakened pelvic floor – the muscles that support the uterus, bladder and bowel. Besides leading to accidental urine leakage, it also reduces sexual sensation.

“Strengthening the pelvic floor improves blood flow, improving the intensity and frequency of orgasm,” says Barry Fowler, manufacturer of the Pelvic Toner, the only device for stress incontinence available on the NHS, £29.99 plus postage. Visitiwabo.co.uk or call 0117 974 3534.

Resolve niggles

Unresolved resentment can lead to sex problems, says Denise Knowles. “I often see couples where one partner doesn’t realise they’re withholding sex because they feel resentful about something – perhaps doing more than their share of the housework. Talking is key to addressing these issues.” Counselling service Relate offers a free online live chat, visit relate.org.uk .

Check your meds

Certain medications, including some antidepressants and contraceptive pills, can affect libido. If you think this affects you, talk to your GP, who may be able to prescribe an alternative.

Have an MOT

If you’ve tried all these with no result, see your GP to rule out conditions that could affect your sex drive.

“Diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease all affect the circulatory system and can make erections more difficult in men and orgasm more difficult in women,” says Denise Knowles. “Underactive thyroid, ­menopause, stress and depression can all lower libido,” she adds.

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Sex Tips

After the claim that men who have had more than 20 partners cut the risk of prostate cancer, here are 10 other ways that sex is great for your health

The news will have put a spring in the step of red blooded males everywhere – regular sex can reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Scientists at the University of Montreal yesterday revealed that men who had slept with at least 20 women during their lives were 28% less likely to develop the disease.

Meanwhile men who were virgins were almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with the cancer.

But that’s not all. It turns out that jumping between the sheets can have a host of other health benefits for men AND women.

As a cold cure

There may be no cure but the best way to protect yourself from a cold is to have sex at least twice a week , according to researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania.

A study published in 1999 found regular sex could boost levels of immunoglobulin in the blood by 20%. The antibody destroys bacteria and protects against colds and flu. Plus it’s far more fun than a flu jab.

Getty

No colds here

 

Easing stress

Sex is the ultimate stress buster and a study in the journal Biological Psychology found that lovers who had had sex the night before reacted better to stressful situations.

That is because the pleasure of another person’s touch, kissing and cuddling, lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol and boosts the body’s happy hormones such as oxytocin. It also means sex can help to combat depression.

Getty

Stressed: There's a cure for that

 

As a painkiller

Next time your other half tells you they have a headache, you can inform them that sex is actually an excellent painkiller.

Research published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found that an orgasm could halve the body’s sensitivity to pain, including back pain, migraines and arthritis. Sex raises the level of endorphins, the body’s own painkillers, by a third in minutes, making it far quicker than popping pills.

For looking young

The secret to looking younger could lie in the bedroom not the Botox, say scientists at the Royal Edinburgh University. They found couples who have sex at least four times a week look 10 times younger.

That is because the pleasure releases healthy hormones such as adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine that help to preserve skin cells and relax muscles to prevent wrinkles. And the good news for couples is that “loving intercourse” with a regular partner is better than promiscuous sex.

Getty / Image posed by models

Don't they look young

Preventing heart attacks and strokes

Men who make love to their partner at least twice a week are 45% less likely to develop a life threatening heart condition.

Regular sex can help to lower blood pressure, which can reduce the risk of common killers such as heart attacks and strokes. Scientists at the New England Research Institute in Massachusetts studied the sex lives of more than 1,000 men and were so impressed by the results they urged doctors to screen men for sexual activity.

Burning off calories

The term “horizontal jogging” may actually be apt as sex is an excellent way to burn off extra calories.

Doctors at the University of Montreal found that a 24-minute session in the sack can burn 104 calories for men and 67 calories for women. That means sex is a more effective form of exercise than walking. But be warned, a six minute “quickie” burns just 20 calories, so don’t skip the foreplay.

But I'm not wearing my gym leggings

 

Preventing breast cancer

As well as prostate cancer, an active love life can also guard against breast cancer in both men and women. A Greek study published in the British Journal of Cancer in 2000 found that men who had fewer than six orgasms a month were at significantly higher risk of developing the disease. Meanwhile a study of French women published in 1989 found those without a sexual partner, or who had sex less than once a month, were at higher risk of being diagnosed with it.

For stronger bones

Sex can help men top up their levels of testosterone and women to maintain their levels of oestrogen. But these are not just sex hormones.

They can also help to stop bone density deteriorating with age, reducing the risk of diseases like the brittle bone disorder osteoporosis.

Helping you sleep

Forget counting sheep, say scientists at the French medical research council Inserm.

Their study published in 2012 found the body released relaxing chemicals such as serotonin after orgasm, helping maintain healthy sleep patterns. They also found men were more likely to feel sleepy after sex – which means they do have an excuse for nodding off instead of wanting to cuddle or chat.

Remember folks, it's good for you

 

Easing endometriosis

Sex during menstruation can help combat endometriosis, a condition that can affect fertility, according to researchers at Yale University.

It also acts as a good workout for a woman’s pelvic floor muscles as they contract during orgasm, helping reduce the risk of incontinence.The news will have put a spring in the step of red blooded males everywhere – regular sex can reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Scientists at the University of Montreal yesterday revealed that men who had slept with at least 20 women during their lives were 28% less likely to develop the disease.

Meanwhile men who were virgins were almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with the cancer.

But that’s not all. It turns out that jumping between the sheets can have a host of other health benefits for men AND women.

As a cold cure

There may be no cure but the best way to protect yourself from a cold is to have sex at least twice a week , according to researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania.

A study published in 1999 found regular sex could boost levels of immunoglobulin in the blood by 20%. The antibody destroys bacteria and protects against colds and flu. Plus it’s far more fun than a flu jab.

Getty

No colds here

 

Easing stress

Sex is the ultimate stress buster and a study in the journal Biological Psychology found that lovers who had had sex the night before reacted better to stressful situations.

That is because the pleasure of another person’s touch, kissing and cuddling, lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol and boosts the body’s happy hormones such as oxytocin. It also means sex can help to combat depression.

Getty

Stressed: There's a cure for that

 

As a painkiller

Next time your other half tells you they have a headache, you can inform them that sex is actually an excellent painkiller.

Research published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine found that an orgasm could halve the body’s sensitivity to pain, including back pain, migraines and arthritis. Sex raises the level of endorphins, the body’s own painkillers, by a third in minutes, making it far quicker than popping pills.

For looking young

The secret to looking younger could lie in the bedroom not the Botox, say scientists at the Royal Edinburgh University. They found couples who have sex at least four times a week look 10 times younger.

That is because the pleasure releases healthy hormones such as adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine that help to preserve skin cells and relax muscles to prevent wrinkles. And the good news for couples is that “loving intercourse” with a regular partner is better than promiscuous sex.

Getty / Image posed by models

Don't they look young

Preventing heart attacks and strokes

Men who make love to their partner at least twice a week are 45% less likely to develop a life threatening heart condition.

Regular sex can help to lower blood pressure, which can reduce the risk of common killers such as heart attacks and strokes. Scientists at the New England Research Institute in Massachusetts studied the sex lives of more than 1,000 men and were so impressed by the results they urged doctors to screen men for sexual activity.

Burning off calories

The term “horizontal jogging” may actually be apt as sex is an excellent way to burn off extra calories.

Doctors at the University of Montreal found that a 24-minute session in the sack can burn 104 calories for men and 67 calories for women. That means sex is a more effective form of exercise than walking. But be warned, a six minute “quickie” burns just 20 calories, so don’t skip the foreplay.

But I'm not wearing my gym leggings

 

               

Preventing breast cancer

As well as prostate cancer, an active love life can also guard against breast cancer in both men and women. A Greek study published in the British Journal of Cancer in 2000 found that men who had fewer than six orgasms a month were at significantly higher risk of developing the disease. Meanwhile a study of French women published in 1989 found those without a sexual partner, or who had sex less than once a month, were at higher risk of being diagnosed with it.

For stronger bones

Sex can help men top up their levels of testosterone and women to maintain their levels of oestrogen. But these are not just sex hormones.

They can also help to stop bone density deteriorating with age, reducing the risk of diseases like the brittle bone disorder osteoporosis.

Helping you sleep

Forget counting sheep, say scientists at the French medical research council Inserm.

Their study published in 2012 found the body released relaxing chemicals such as serotonin after orgasm, helping maintain healthy sleep patterns. They also found men were more likely to feel sleepy after sex – which means they do have an excuse for nodding off instead of wanting to cuddle or chat.

Remember folks, it's good for you

 

      Easing endometriosis

Sex during menstruation can help combat endometriosis, a condition that can affect fertility, according to researchers at Yale University.

It also acts as a good workout for a woman’s pelvic floor muscles as they contract during orgasm, helping reduce the risk of incontinence.

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Sex Tips

sa

There are some bizarre “fads” in Hollywood. Most of them are diets or cosmetic surgery.

So imagine how excited the female population here are to know that they now have their own version of Viagra.

We can all stop talking about butt implants or the Paleo diet for a few days.

Yay, phew.

And what they love even more is that it is strictly only available for Californians. For now, anyway, because it’s illegal everywhere else.

It can only be bought by people with a certificate to buy weed here – a bit hard to get, the doctors don’t really care.

Introducing Foria, the marijuana-based oil that is used during sex.

On its own Instagram page, it is classily described as “all natural sensual enhancement oil thoughtfully designed for women”.

Apparently the ingredients “relax” us women, increasing that “wow” thing.

It may be nonsense but the fact such a fuss is being made means there could be something to it.

Indeed, the rest of the world want it, and are actively trying to get their hands on Foria.

The magazines are writing about it, rich, middle-aged women are raving about it, men are obviously delighted with it.

And I’m pretty delighted too.

If only because we can now stop talking/writing about how we can look better.

Finally we get a break from talking about Kim­ ­Kardashian’s bottom, or Renee Zellweger’s face.

It’s something that ­actually puts a smile on a woman’s face. About time.

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Viagra

If they all came with a bang, the world would be a lot more accepting. They don't though, so you have to be open-minded on your own and prepare for when someone decides you're the person they are opening up to.

We've All Got Secrets

Some big. Some little. Some not so secret because you made the mistake of telling the ONE person who loves to take sh*t to Facebook and now you have to live in denial yet again.

Sometimes secrets become a burden and we have to share to one, to some or to all. In a way, this is sharing the burden with someone else so you can better deal with it yourself. Right? Right.

There are those who are lucky enough to be so out of touch with their inner turmoil that they can bury these secrets so deep down they'll never see the light of day. These are the people we envy. Not that we'd tell you or anything.

Others aren't so lucky and we need to be ready for that.

Be Accepting. Be, Be Accepting!

Unless they happen to be confessing something vile or criminal. We all have our limits. Aside from that, you can deal.

Remember, it takes a lot more to reveal than to receive a secret. You can sit there and laugh your ass off or spew hateful judgement while they die on the inside. You'll be okay, they'll never recover. Confessing is hard. Remember that.

Seeing as this is still real life, we also have to keep in mind that you can't always give someone the reaction they are expecting. Don't chase after them with a pitchfork, but show some kind of acknowledgment. Feel free to fake it at first until you can fully gauge the situation.

Get Your Game Face On

Also known as faking that visible emotion. Like you've done so many times in the past.

Find a neutral and somewhat encouraging expression to wear on your face so that your loved one does not think they've made a terrible mistake. Practice in the mirror until your reflection makes you feel better about yourself.

Pair that with accepting words like: Oh; I see; Okay; Thanks for telling me; Yes and...

Then nod. Always nod. The nod sells it.

After confession time is over, process the news at your leisure. You don't have to worry about hurting their feelings or saying the right thing. Just process. You may be in shock, you may not be. You might not like what you've heard, you might not care. Just process.

Then go for milkshakes after.

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What is Livelinks? What is Livelinks? The answer varies from person to person: Phone sex Sex hotline Party line A history lesson Yep, many possibilites, but it all depends on who is calling to find out. Livelinks is phone dating. You call, you connect, you talk and then you go on a date. Easy!

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